5 Keys to Understanding Women

After my last post on 5 Things You Need to Know About Men, I think it’s important to point out that all of these “facts” are only my perception of the majority, and the terms (men) and (women) can easily be swapped out for (masculine) and (feminine). We all carry both traits and shouldn’t be defined as absolute.


#1: PMS is a real thing.

I know you guys think this is a “get out of jail free” card we whip out on you once a month, but as I recall the time I cried because my sister finished my hummus I was daydreaming about at work, I can assure you, these mood swings ain’t no joke. From the beginning of puberty until the ending of menopause, women are dealing with a constant fluctuation of hormones cycling in and out, and sometimes, incorrectly. And while it’s certainly not fair to lash out at you innocent bystanders, it may be easier for all of us if you just understand the situation and keep quit for 3-4 days. On behalf of all women, sorry and thank you 🙂

#2: A woman never forgets.

Okay so I totally understand that you kissed that other girl when you were drunk on June 3, 2004 at Marks birthday party and you’ve already apologized to Sandra like a million times, bought her flowers and diamond earrings, but she can’t help it. Every time you come close to flirting with another woman in front of her or look at someone’s ass, or even go back to Mark’s house where it all happened, she will relive the memory. She will make you relive it as well. And seemingly punish you all over again. Women can’t separate time from memory. Everything feels like last Tuesday. There’s not much I can help you with here, besides don’t make major life mistakes because we will hold you accountable for the rest of your lives. Again, I’m sorry… but Sandra’s not 🙂

#3: Women think multidimensionally.

Men think l-i-n-e-a-r . First this happens -then this- and then that. Rationally. For a woman, it’s all linked to emotion, which means anything can happen. Example:

He said I look good today- which must mean I didn’t look good all the previous days this week- I wasn’t wearing makeup on those days- he must not think I look pretty naturally- that’s so messed up- can I only get a compliment when I’m all dolled up?- why doesn’t he just accept me the way I am every day.

And the next thing you know you’re getting the silent treatment and you have no idea why. My tip for this one? Compliment her every day. Problem s-o-l-v-e-d.

#4: Women are NOT indecisive.

Contrary to popular belief. See, when men want something, they make the decisions that lead them to that goal. Very simple. If I want pizza, I go get pizza. For women, It’s not that simple. And it’s not that they don’t know what they want. It’s that their wants, are not as high a priority as their need to please everyone else. So if she wants pizza, but she knows you don’t want pizza, she will say, I don’t know, you can choose where we eat. This goes the same with her girlfriends which is usually why girls take hours to set a plan. We’re just such selfless creatures. 😉

#5: Women are animals.

Just like men. Only our biological clocks tick a little bit louder than yours. This is the reason we rush commitment. The reason we test you constantly. The reason we become highly alert around females. The reason we are less likely to cheat. Yes, that’s a fact. Women cheat. Women might even want to cheat just as much as men do. But we’re much more cautious and responsible. The reason for this is very simple. Women do not have as much time. A man can get multiple women pregnant in a year. A woman get’s pregnant once and she’s off the market for at least nine months. A woman spends her whole life thinking like a mother. A man isn’t a father until he becomes one. A woman needs to be sure. Sure that she has a man who is going to stick around and provide for the family and be a good father. Even if this is not her conscious thinking pattern, it is biologically engrained.

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