A Change in Perspective
If you’ve read my last two posts My Depression…The beginning and My Depression…part two , you might be wondering…”what’s next?” I got a lot of messages from people wishing me recovery and healing and while I appreciate such kind messages, my healing wasn’t the purpose of these articles. I had already healed through the lifetime making of who I am today. However.. little did I know, bringing up my past with such vivid detail brought me right back into those uncomfortable feelings. And I sat with them. All week.
I suppose fiction is a lot less frightening than writing the truth. But I’m not that creative so we’ll stick to this. Let’s go back to the beginning so I can give you an idea of how my brain worked through these hardships. Children are much more resilient than adults and for that I am grateful to have built a foundation of strength at a young age. In the early morning after my encounter with the molester, we sat as a family and my mom lit sage and incense to clear the negative energy. She gave to us something to burn and pass on and we were to say anything we wanted. As angry or harsh as it may be. Whatever we felt raging in our souls. I said this;
I just wish no other little girl in the world has to go through that again.
I knew that I was going to be ok. I knew that I was strong enough to get over this. But I also knew, it could have been worse. And worse has happened elsewhere.
When my dad was away in prison, I knew he wasn’t a bad father. He would write me letters every chance he’d get, telling me how good I was and how much he loved and missed me and all the things we’d do when he returned. And eventually, his word was met. So, going to school with mostly inner-city kids who didn’t necessarily have white picked fence houses and families with married parents, I never felt different or unlucky. In fact, I felt extremely lucky. I knew more than a few people who never met their dads because they walked out on them when they were born. My mom would tell me how excited my 19 year old dad was when he found out she was pregnant with me and that would light me up like a christmas tree.
My dad was proud that he made me. Proud that I was his daughter. And this gave me a sense of pride. So having this perspective that I am lucky, that things could have been worse, is what saved me. It all comes down to gratitude.
So this passed week, I had a hard time. I wasn’t very pleasant or positive. Nobody would see it except those near me. So I want to reach out to the people afar. To the one’s who write me eagerly asking, “What’s your secret? How are you always so happy? You are such a beam of light!” I am not. I am a work in progress. But what helps me most? Gratefulness. Refusing to be a victim because victims are weak and I proved to be way too strong to not demand the life I want. Practicing self love. (Yes it’s a practice and needs to be worked on regularly) Self love is the thing which doesn’t let you lay in bed anymore. It says “Uh-uh. You are way too important to hide from this world. We got shit to do.”
Being depressed is ultimately a decision. I don’t believe in “clinical depression”. You do not need drugs to correct an imbalance. You have created an imbalance which you need to correct yourself. That means eating properly. Getting enough vitamins and minerals. Getting sun. Exercising. Learning. If you are not learning, you are not growing. If you are not growing, you are dying. Regular sleeping patterns. Cutting back on stimulants. Going out in nature. We are animals. We are not meant to be indoors behind cellphones and computers screens. Watch less tv. Better yet, watch no tv. Make meaningful connections. Multiple studies charting the happiest people in the world were not those with most success in business or money, but those with successful relationships. That means family and friends, aside from romantic. Taking pride in yourself. Go ahead and get your hair done. Get a massage. S T R E S S RELIEF. I can’t emphasize this one enough. Make time for yourself. Listen to your body. Take a break from work when it’s too much. Say no to people when they ask for too much. Take a walk. Take a nap. Take whatever YOU need.
Make yourself important- but don’t make yourself the most important thing. Realize this is Earth we are living on. This is your mother. It’s a privilege to stand here. Respect it. Give back to it. There is so much beyond our physicality- Our skin. Our shape. Our height. Our gender. Our status. Our color. Understand which things don’t matter. Focus on which does matter.
Happiness. Yeah, focus on that.